Relationships and Fairy Tales
”…and they lived happily ever after”.
How many of us as children believed in this happy ending and perhaps visualised it for ourselves as grown up?
The idea of this “happily ever after” sounds like a sweet dream. A dream that might lead to the misconception that, once two people fall in love and chose to be together, they’ll live in happiness, eternal love and mutual agreement forever.
Fairy tales often presents characters that go through ups and downs, hardships, challenges and they usually end up being rescued (by a handsome prince) or rescuing someone (usually a beautiful and full of compassion, innocent girl).
Without wanting to generalize, I wonder if there is a chance that, for some, fairy tales might have set, occasionally, false expectations.
What are your views around love, relationships expectations, commitments, ethics, the human desire for happy endings?
Reality
Apart the very early stage of a new relationship when, usually, everything looks perfect, romantic and exciting, just like it happens in Fairy Tales, with time things often change. Of course, nobody wants to give up the dream of the “perfect” relationship, a relationship that works without any effort and nurturing.
The question is, what happens when the honeymoon period fades? When partners start knowing each other’s more and discover the imperfections and vulnerabilities that all human beings have, princes and princesses included?
In the real world, relationships continue to evolve and are constantly challenged by the changes that are part of life. Major milestones like marriage, long-term commitment, the choice to have, or not to have children, health issues that might come along are all factors that often put the relationship to the test. They challenge the original choices made when things felt just perfect.
In the real world, maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship requires effort, understanding, and commitment from both partners, despite the challenges life through at us.
Beliefs – good versus bad relationships
In my practice I often notice a variety of beliefs around this subject. Sometimes beliefs are based on past experiences, unrealistic expectations and on what people might have witnessed observing others.
These beliefs, whether we realize it or not, often influence the idea we have of how a “good” or “bad” relationship should look like.
Have you ever found yourself looking at other’s relationships and thinking… “they are such a happy couple, so close, they are just made for each other…I wish I had that or, I wish my own relationship was like theirs!?”
The risk is to start believing that some people are “luckier” than others. That, for some, things work out easily, they have achieved to live in a fairy tale and therefore we must be doing something wrong because our own relationships are rather different!
Frequent questions people asked themselves are: “How is it possible that others seem to have found their perfect match”? and “Why that doesn’t happen to me”?
Is it realistic to believe that, like in a fairy tale, things in some cases work effortlessly, while in our own relationships’ things are often tricky, hard work and complicated?
Or could it be that the grass is always greener on the other side?
Important Decisions
Of course, it is important to be aware that there is a difference between “expecting perfection” and “lowering our standards” by accepting unhealthy behaviours, constant lack of understanding, disrespect and anything that deep down we feel is not acceptable for our wellbeing. These situations should be taken seriously, and sometimes difficult decisions must be made.
However, there are cases when couples, despite the deep love for each other, somehow disconnect. They don’t seem to find the right ways to communicate and relate. Self-confidence, organizational skills and the ability to analyse pragmatically complex situations and find solutions that come naturally in the work environment, seem to vanish when at home. They often feel lonely and wish they knew what to do to make things better, to keep their partnership alive through the ups and down that are inevitable in life.
Often, by the time couples realize they have a problem, the fairy tale is long gone. Partners start questioning if they made the right choice committing to someone that cannot guaranteed that “living happily ever after” believed to be what they were prepared for.
What can help to make a relationship work?
Although every partnership is unique and there is not a “quick fix that fits all”, the more I work with couples, the more I witness the similarities in the issues that people find difficult to deal with in their relationships.
Here are a few suggestions that might help if you find yourself in the, sometimes challenging, but also rewarding journey to make your relationship work and grow stronger:
Effective Communication
Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. It’s important to express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns clearly and respectfully. This includes not only talking but also actively listening to your partner. Acknowledge their perspective and show empathy towards their experiences. Regular check-ins can ensure that both partners feel heard and valued.
Mutual Respect
Respect is fundamental in a relationship. This means valuing each other’s individuality, opinions, and boundaries. Show appreciation for your partner’s efforts and qualities and avoid behaviours that demean or belittle them. Respecting each other’s personal space and autonomy contributes to a healthier dynamic.
Quality Time Together
Spending quality time together helps strengthen the bond between partners. This doesn’t necessarily mean grand gestures or expensive outings; even simple activities like cooking together, going for a walk, or having a heartfelt conversation can be meaningful. The key is to be present and engaged, showing that you value your partner’s company.
Conflict Resolution
Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, but how you handle them can make all the difference. Approach conflicts with a problem-solving mindset rather than a combative one. Avoid blame and focus on finding a solution that works for both of you. Practicing patience, compromise, and forgiveness can help resolve issues without causing long-term damage to the relationship.
Shared Goals and Values
Having shared goals and values can provide a sense of direction and unity in a relationship. Discuss your long-term aspirations and ensure that you’re on the same page regarding important aspects of life such as finances, family, and personal growth. Supporting each other’s dreams and ambitions can strengthen your partnership and foster a deeper connection.
In Conclusion
By prioritizing communication, respect, quality time, conflict resolution, and shared values, you can build a strong foundation for a real, lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Remember, it’s the consistent, everyday efforts, no matter how small, that contribute to the overall health and happiness of your relationship.
Does this resonate with you and would like to discuss further? Feel free to contact me @ mctherapylondon@gmail.com
For more articles, my perspective, and thoughts on a variety of subjects that you might find useful, please visit my website @ https://www.mariacau.com/blog/
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